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What I Learned About Marriage After My Divorce

Here are some things I learned about marriage after my divorce. If you marry again like I did they will help you develop a marriage of purpose.

1. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Your marriage will go through tough times, but remember you're in it for the long haul. Don't succumb to the microwave mentality of our time. Marriage is hard work and each partner should be willing to put in their fair share to make it last. Anything worth having is worth working for. Marriage is no exception.

2. Forgiveness is an essential expectation of marriage but it comes with a counterpart and that's forgetting. But it's forgetting in marriage that can be downright impossible. How can you be expected to forget the horrible words, the devastating arguments, or worse yet, the affair? Truthfully, there is no cut and dry answer to this question. Only God can give the courage and strength to truly forgive from your heart. But it is important to remember that when you don't forgive the only person you are hurting is yourself.

3. Admit when you're wrong and seeking reconciliation with your spouse. This can be both difficult and humbling. Many of us would rather jump off a bridge than to admit the error of our ways. Admitting that I'm wrong has sometimes been difficult for me because in my mind it was admitting that I was imperfect, I was weak, frail. Over the years God has convicted my spirit and taught me that without Him I am weak, frail, and imperfect. Only He can perfect our imperfection. So learn to admit when you're wrong and ask for forgiveness from the one whom you've offended.

4. Communication, is very important. But communication should be done from a non-judgmental, non-condemning standpoint.

5. Don't try to change your spouse. Instead, try to encourage and strengthen each other. You can't change your spouse, but you can change yourself. I spent years learning this lesson. Why I thought I was powerful enough to change God's creation is beyond me, but I tried to no avail. Then one day I decided that my spouse wasn't the one that needed changing. It was me. What an "aha" moment. Once I came to that realization, life was much sweeter. You do your job and allow God to do His.

6. Don't depend on your spouse to fill all your needs. Your spouse should not complete you but rather compliment you.

Cheryl Lacey Donovan is an award winning best selling author, biblical life coach, mentor, and radio/television personality. She is the founder of Worth More than Rubies Ministries. She is co-author of the book Do You Still Do What Happens Happily Ever After with her husband Keith Donovan. To learn more about Cheryl visit http://www.thefaithwalker.org and to book Cheryl for your next event email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or call 203-565-6170.

 

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