Dating a Gentleman After Divorce

by: Dr. Felicia Clark

Dating after divorce, where do you start?This is one of a 5-part series that teaches women how to have the thriving relationship of their dreams, instead of just surviving their failed marriage. Should you get a new hairstyle, lose weight, or get a makeover? How do you compete with a bunch of hot young women? Well, you don’t – unless you just want sex. Women are often taught to attract men through triggering their mating instinct, or stimulating sexual attraction. This is the lowest form of attraction, can be devoid of connection, and often sets the stage for a difficult relationship.

However, if you want quality treatment, feeling cared about, then you must trigger a man’s provider and protector instinct.Before you tell yourself you are a modern independent woman who doesn’t need any of that, know that gentlemanly caretaking behavior comes from a man’s provider/ protector instinct. If you don’t need protection or provision, then you need (from the view of masculinity) is his procreative instinct – his drive to have sex.

In order to trigger a man’s provider/protector instinct, you must be in your feminine, or queen, energy. Here are 4 ways to express queenliness to communicate to masculinity that you are receptive to caretaking (e.g. being provided for, receiving good treatment, being loved, etc.):

  • Move slower than the pace of the crowd - QUEENS DON’T RUSH! This relaxed pace indicates that you have room and space to receive. Many women move so quickly that they seem “full” - which communicates a rejecting energy. Men approach, and ultimately provide for, receptive women.
  • Wearing brightly colored dresses or skirts made of soft fabric that moves or flows will attract healthy non-sexual caretaking masculine attention. Dress that accentuates the feminine sends a welcoming signal to masculinity that invites men to connect with you in ways that leave you feeling supported.
  • Smiling gives a good energy and communicates receptivity. It is a good habit to dance freestyle every morning to activate your feminine energy, enhance your mood, and to connect to your body. This will make your smile genuine. Smiling attracts healthy attention from all people because you have positive life force energy to give.
  • If a man asks you out, and you think there is relationship potential, suggest something physical such as bowling or walking in the park. If that is not appealing, then suggest something that honors life. Museums, farmer’s market, flower gardens, or the zoo are life honoring dates which present the opportunity to connect.

You will know when you are in receiving mode, because men of all ages, races, and backgrounds will hold the door for you, offer their seat to you, or offer other simple care-taking behaviors to support your well being. All of the men providing you with small gestures of help will not want to date you, but men who are interested in dating you for more than sex will respond similarly. You must receive well and graciously in order for this type of care-taking to continue. So, it is important that you develop the habit of being in a receiving mode, being thankful for what you receive. This prepares you for a healthy dynamic in your new relationship.

If you do the things above, and a man is not inspired to contribute to your well being and happiness, then he likely only has sexual attraction or no attraction to you. Sex only attracted men will not respond favorably to the triggers above and will prefer low effort interactions such as coming over late at night, unplanned last minute dates, or texting instead of calling.

Being attractive through receptivity is only part of the equation. You must also know what you need, and be able to communicate it effectively so that a man can be successful, making you happy with what he provides for you.

Dr. Clark’s coaching practice helps women embrace their feminine energy (e.g. Queen) to experience happiness. This lesson was from the unit: “Queens Have What They Need.”Divorced, single, or married women can benefit from this unit by learning to determine, communicate, and receive what they need. Felicia writes for HopeAfterDivorce.org, FamilyShare.com, and LAFamily.com. Visit her website at www.ebooklifecoach.com.



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