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Finding Some Alone Time

by: Tammy Greene

If you are married and have a blended family, there is no doubt that life can feel very overwhelming. Suddenly your world has become a whole lot bigger and your responsibilities have doubled. The balancing act this can bring may leave you neglecting important areas of your life, you marriage being one of them.

Though the juggle may be tough, your marriage deserves your love and attention in order to stay strong thru these challenging times. One of the most important things in keeping a marriage strong is finding alone time with your spouse. Work, family, school, children, homework, and extracurricular commitments can leave you without, seemingly, any spare time for each other. And even if you did find the spare time, your house is full of children demanding your attention. Though this may be true, making time to be alone together is key to keeping the foundation of your marriage strong.

Here are some ideas to help you find some alone time with your spouse.

Wake Up Before the Kids: Though it may be an adjustment at first, wake up together 20 minutes before the kids get up in the morning. Spend those 20 minutes sipping coffee, catching up, or just snuggling together in bed. Start your day off right by having some quality alone time together before the craziness of the day begins. That little bit of connection will help you feel closer to each other all day.

Week night Date Night: Let’s face it, having a consistent date night can be challenging. There are endless excuses that can be made to get out of it. But, the truth is, regular date nights are a vital part of keeping a marriage strong. Time alone together will give you a chance to reconnect, a chance to remind yourself what you love about your spouse, a chance to give each other undivided attention. Schedule a regular, at home, date night after the kids go to bed. Keep the TV and phones off. Keep conversation neutral and away from talk about money, work or any other topics that tend to be stressors.

Get Back to the Basics: Learn new things about each other and keep it fun and light. This regular alone time will do wonders for the strength of your marriage.

Meet for a Midday Rendezvous: If at all possible, every now and then, meet for a midday rendezvous. If your kids are all in school, think of ways that you and your spouse can get alone time during the middle of the day. Take your spouse lunch to their place of work, meet at a restaurant for a quick bite to eat, take a walk at a local park, or meet for some quick alone time at home during your lunch breaks. Make an effort to get alone time whenever possible. Meeting together like this will add a sense of anticipation to your marriage and can significantly kick up the spice factor.

Get a Good Babysitter: This sounds like a no-brainer, but there are endless couples that don’t take time alone, because they don’t have someone to watch their children. I encourage you to ask for help. Who do you know in your circle of contacts that would be willing to watch the kids? Is there a family member or trusted friend? Maybe there is a church member or a coworker. If you can’t think of anyone in your immediate circle, ask for referrals. Who do other mom’s at the school use to babysit their kids? Referrals are a great way to go. As a last resort, there are several very good and trusted online communities that will connect you with a caregiver in your area that has experience, referrals and background checks. Don’t make excuses for not having alone time with your spouse. Start the search for a trusted caregiver so you and your spouse can get out of the house for some quality one on one.

If you make the effort, finding alone time for each other is not that hard. There are many opportunities that you can take advantage of to get a little uninterrupted face time with each other. Your spouse deserves for you to make the effort to get alone and reconnect. If you make these ideas a regular habit in your marriage your chances of “happily ever after” will be in reach.

Tammy Greene is a graduate of the University of La Verne. She has worked as a Child Life Specialist and social worker assisting families who have children with illness or mental disabilities. Tammy is a producer of the national PBS children’s television show, Curiosity Quest. She has a blog, Married and Naked, where she shares personal lessons learned from her own life, offering helpful ways to navigate through the challenges of marriage. Tammy is happily married to her high school sweetheart and is the mother of two. Tammy is a contributing expert for HopeAfterDivorce.org, FamilyShare.com, LAFamily.com, and CupidsPulse.com. Visit Tammy’s Curiosity Quest website, www.curiosityqueststore.com. Follow her blog, MarriedandNaked, at www.married-and-naked.com.

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