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Change: It Takes Two

by: Janeen Diamond

Quote: “I believe any marriage can survive any problem, no matter how massive it is.” I was sitting at lunch just the other day having a conversation with one of my very best girlfriends. We were talking about how unfortunately, problems arise in everyone’s marriages.None of us is immune.

Yes, some problems are far worse than others and require a lot more effort to fix. But the solution for any problem, no matter how small, is the same. Both husband and wife have to agree to do what is necessary to fix the situation and make things better.

If you can both do that, your marriage will grow to be stronger than ever!

There are two main areas I’d like to focus on in talking about resolving issues in a marriage:

  • Each of you must agree to do what the other asks of you. Sometimes it’s easy to think our problems will just go away if no one ever talks about them again, or if one of us simply makes a decision to change. But simply making a decision to change may not offer a solution for your spouse. Let’s say, for instance, one of you has been unfaithful. For you to say, I’ll never do it again doesn’t hold a lot of weight, and certainly won’t build trust right away. Your spouse may ask you to seek counseling. Or she may ask to have open access to your cell phone and email.

This is a drastic example, but giving your spouse what he or she needs in order to resolve things for them - not just you - is an absolute must in a marriage. You both have a need to feel better. You both have to believe the other is doing everything in their power to make the marriage the best it can ultimately be. You have to know it in your gut!

  • Each of you must do whatever it takes to make the necessary changes once they are defined. Let’s stick with the example of cheating. Once a marriage is destroyed in this manner, there are going to be a lot of required changes from both spouses. The cheater will have to prove he wants to actually be in the marriage, and he will have to show it on a daily basis. The one who has been betrayed will need to do whatever her spouse is asking for to keep him happy in the marriage. Two people working together to make each other happy is the only way the marriage can work from this point forward.

So the question we all have to ask is, ‘Do I really want to be here?’If you do, then do what it takes.

I believe any marriage can survive any problem, no matter how massive it is. All it requires is two willing, loving, determined, hard-working individuals who want to move forward and build something better than they ever thought possible.

Perfection in a marriage can get boring. I say we take the challenges and use them to make us work hard toward becoming better people and better spouses.

Janeen Diamond, Author “Save Your Marriage in 30,”  was newscaster for KUTV News until 2001. Since that time, she has been actively producing commercials and special programming through her company, “Your TV Spot.” She has hosted several television and internet productions, and has been a spokesperson for several products and companies. Janeen authored her first book, “Save Your Marriage in 30,” hoping to help families have greater success and live happier lives. She is a leader over the youth in her church and takes a special interest in helping kids stay on track with their lives. Janeen is currently co-creating “Teen Impact TV,” a website for high school students to give them a creative and emotional outlet. Janeen is a contributing expert for HopeAfterDivorce.org, FamilyShare.com, LAFamily.com, and CupidsPulse.com. Follow her on Twitter @janeendiamond and FB at http://www.facebook.com/janeendiamond.

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