Healthy Relationship Tips

by: Allison Lloyds, MS, LMFT

Healthy relationships consist of two individuals who are capable of working on themselves in order to make the relationship flourish. As human beings we often have a hard time owning our contribution to the relationship dynamic and instead point the finger at our partner, blaming them for the challenges at hand. This leads to various cycles and patterns that are unhealthy and unsatisfying. Want to make a change for the better?

Take a look at these relationship tips.

Support each other. Wherever your partner is with their life goals, make sure that you support them. Get on the same team and help them to move forward!

It's important to be assertive. When you are bothered about something, do not let your emotions get the best of you and take control. Some people tend to be passive (and not speak up) which can lead to buried resentments and unfinished business, while others approach aggressively by screaming or reacting, which will leave your partner defensive and you unheard. Instead, work on being assertive, using “I” statements, and see if you both can work together towards a solution.

You are both individuals. You do not want you or your partner to lose their individual self because they are now in a relationship, you want rather to be in an interdependent state where you both are connected but also individuals.

Be a cheerleader. Support each other in good times and in bad. This involves empathy and knowing what the other person needs during challenging times.

Be open and verbal with your appreciation. Verbal reassurance and appreciation goes a long way. Take time to appreciate and acknowledge the small things.

Own your stuff. This is probably the most important step and the most frequent issue that I see in my practice when working with couples. Owning your feelings, emotions, needs, and behaviors does not always come naturally to us. It is much easier to focus on the other person, but this will lead you into a negative cycle. If you want someone to own what they are doing, it is vital that you own up to your side as well.

Be here now. A deep connection is built on being able to connect with your partner one on one. When you are spending time together, put down your technology and really listen to your partner. Make eye contact. Listen. Share. Be present.

Make honesty and trust a priority. Many times couples have issues with trust. If you have some insecurities with trust, do not bring them into your relationship, work on them individually. If there is a real problem going on with the trust in your relationship,speak about it in a calm, compassionate and assertive manner. You can always work with a therapist to repair and restore trust - but don't go snooping in someone's phone!

Allison Lloyds, LMFT supports clients in finding and creating more happiness, peace, and cultivating healthy relationships. Allison's specialties include working with individuals and couples who are successful in many aspects of their lives, but want to improve their relationships, career or work dynamics, or are seeking support in dealing with life transitions, loss, depression or anxiety. Allison is a Clinical Member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, the Women's Mental Health Consortium and the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. She writes for HopeAfterDivorce.org, FamilyShare.com, CupidsPulse.com, and LAFamily.com. You can learn more about Allison and her private practice by visiting www.synergeticpsychotherapy.com or calling (917) 399-3837. Follow Allison on Twitter @SynergeticPsych.




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