Life 2.0-Always a Bright Side!

by: Monique Honaman, JD

“A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years.” – Rupert Brooke I recall saying, “I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy” as I was going through my divorce. I later added a statement: “… but it’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Those who know me know that I am a “glass half-full” kind of person. I can find an upside in any situation. Divorce is no different. I wouldn’t have chosen divorce for my path in life. My divorce happened. It sucked (that’s the best word I have for it!). But, I’ve re-discovered myself, I’ve re-juvenated my energy, and I’ve re-married. I’m here to tell you that there IS “hope after divorce.”

I speak with people weekly who are going through divorce. I hate to see them at their lowest point, but I can empathize with them. I remember that despair and darkness. I frequently tell them that it will get better. That this darkness and sadness they are feeling will go away. I tell them that Life 2.0 is waiting for them which will bring new adventures, new hobbies, new routines, new experiences … and which may actually bring new relationships!

They are often cynical of this. They aren’t ready to even think about a future where all of this pain seems like a distant memory, and certainly not one when they are in another relationship. Regardless, I just smile and nod my head!“Whatever,” I think!

When I do stay connected with them, and when I am there when the despair fades away and the hope and happiness return, there is nothing I love better than to say, “I told you so!” I see this when people discover new passions or hobbies which they would never have experienced had they still been married. I see this when people discover new careers and strengths that never would have been uncovered. And, I especially love to see this when people discover new relationships and find that their hearts have healed and that they are indeed ready and capable of falling in love again.

I was having a conversation with a few friends the other day. One has been married for over 20 years. The other went through a divorce a few years ago. She was “never-ever” going to have another relationship. She was quite adamant about this. Guess what? She just recently remarried. We watched her go through the trials, tribulations and transformation. Now, we are seeing her go through that googly-eyed love stage. She and her husband can’t keep their hands off each other. They are constantly talking and texting. They can’t stop smiling. It’s awesome to be around and to see!

My “old married friend” commented that she was “jealous” that this other friend got to experience those feelings again, and that I had too when I remarried several years ago. She meant it in all good spirit. She loves her husband, but after 20-some years of marriage, their ‘”honeymoon” stage is but a distant memory. There was a part of her that wants to experience this stage again as a mature woman. Not that she wants to get divorced, she doesn't! But she sure would love to have that tingly “I can’t stop thinking about you” feeling that we all have when we are new in a relationship!

Just yesterday, I ran into a colleague at the post office. She had gone through a tumultuous divorce a few years ago, then faced a diagnosis of cancer. Life has been tough for her, yet she always had a positive spirit about her and a radiant smile on her face. It’s been fun watching her over the years. She was absolutely glowing when I saw her, and her grin was a mile-wide as she casually commented, “my fiancé and I love that new Italian restaurant!” Good for her! Life 2.0!

Age has no limit! I was talking with another woman at a meeting the other day. She is once widowed and once divorced, and is currently in a new relationship. Talk about googly-eyed. She’s 75 and is doing all the crazy stuff you expect to see in new love in your 20’s or in your 40’s! Life 2.0 (or maybe even 3.0 in her case!). Rock on Grandma!

My point in this: I don’t believe you need to find love to be happy or complete. But, I do think that remaining open to letting your heart heal and to finding love again is good for the soul! Life 2.0 can bring new experiences which may just bring some googly eyes and a big smile to your face. There is “hope after divorce!

You can contact Monique at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Visit her website at www.HighRoadLessTraffic.com. Monique earned her JD and MLIR. She is the author of "The High Road Has Less Traffic," and "The High Road Has Less Traffic and a Better View." Monique is the founding partner of ISHR Group, and leader among women, having received many awards. Monique is a contributing expert at HopeAfterDivorce.org, DivorceSupportCenter.com, FamilyShare.com, and LAFamily.com. Follow Monique on FB at www.facebook/highroadlesstraffic and Twitter @highroadthebook.

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