by: Janeen Diamond 

I met with a group of divorced ladies the other night, and something struck me as I listened in on some of their conversations. These particular women were very respectful of their ex-spouses.

Now, that is not always the case after divorce, but it is certainly the preferred course to take. I was impressed as I heard one of these women tell us that her ex-husband joins her and her new husband for Thanksgiving dinner. She even mentioned that she has been shopping with her husband’s ex-wife. That’s pretty amazing.

Most of these women had lived through serious problems in their marriages — affairs, alcoholism, abuse, bankruptcy, and yet their attitudes were exceptionally positive. Here’s what I love about that — life is so much happier, less stressful, and so positive when we can all get along. I have realized over the years that people are wonderful. OK, maybe not ALL people, but certainly most. Sometimes we don’t make it in marriage because we just couldn’t figure it out. Sometimes we simply aren’t a good match. And sometimes two good people just aren’t able to resolve their own issues in order to contribute to a healthy marriage. That doesn’t mean we are bad people. We are all capable of good things.

Respect is something I am still working on because I find myself showing disrespect, in small ways, when things aren’t going my way. After listening to those ladies the other night, I have made a new commitment to myself to be very conscious of how I treat my husband on a daily basis. Here are my ideas for increasing respect around our house.

LISTEN - I will not roll my eyes or act annoyed when my husband has an idea or opinion I don’t agree with.

ASK - I am going to work harder on asking about my husband’s thoughts instead of making a decision without input from him.

TOUCH - I am going to make an effort to reach for my husband’s hand, hug him and be close to him a lot more often. You may have things that you personally could improve that are different from those items on my list. Think about what those might be and decide today to be better at showing respect for your spouse. Find ways you can show more respect for your ex-spouse.

After all, he is most likely the father of your children and everything will work more smoothly. I’m not saying you have to go shopping with your ex-husband’s new wife, but who knows? The two of you could most likely become friends if you just give it half a chance.


Janeen Diamond left KUTV News in 2001 after the birth of her daughter, Gabby. Since that time, she has been actively producing commercials and special programming through her company, “Your TV Spot.” She has hosted several television and internet productions, and has been a spokesperson for several products and companies. Janeen has authored her first book, “Save Your Marriage in 30,” and hopes to help families have greater success and live happier lives. She is a leader over the youth in her church and takes a special interest in helping kids stay on track with their lives. She is also currently co-creating “Teen Impact TV,” a website for high school students to give them a creative and emotional outlet. Janeen is a contributing expert atHopeAfterDivorce.org, CupidsPulse.com, and LAFamily.com.

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